Sometimes we all tend to get trapped in expecting life to kneel to our wants and desires. However, more times than not, life just doesn’t bend the knee so easily.

So what is required of us when this happens?

Patience. Lots of it.

It’s ok to want things and to dream and to hope. In fact, it’s healthy to think and feel this way, so long as it is positive in nature.

However, it is important to relax our grip on expectation, otherwise it can cause stress and harm our lives.

Allow life to unfurl in its own way, without keeping score or counting the minutes. Just like an Apple that is still attached to the tree, we should allow our positive thoughts and affirmations to ripen naturally.

Stressing over the future, and whether or not our wants will come to fruition will not help. This is because the Apple will fall when its ready…so allow natural forces to work the way they work. Have the patience, positivity and the will to avoid becoming consumed with it.

This way, one can stay present and be able to enjoy what is happening IN THE NOW rather than trying to bend the natural order of things.

So dream, hope and want…but try to release the expectations and control.

Be kind… Be positive… Be more present than you were the day before.

This month is about contemplation.  Mindfulness is key to creating change in your life.

Food for thought:

The following are the main reasons a person may self-sabotage.

-Self-sabotage wins when self-criticism prevails

-When the ego takes over, it creates guilt and fear, and thus we are unable to be in a place of love and acceptance.

Learning self-love creates trust and respect for your divine self.  Freeing yourself from obstructive ways=freeing yourself from the egotistic thought patterns that one has developed over time, perhaps even generationally.

Ask yourself, does this pattern of thinking serve me? Is it safe to let this pattern go?

If the answer is ‘yes’ and you are ready to let go, take a deep breath and exhale this pattern to the universe, so it can be transmuted into love and light for your highest good.

Keep yourself accountable so you can sustain these changes. And don’t allow yourself to slip into old patterns of behaviour.

It can be that easy guys, don’t over think the process.  Just be present. Stay true. Stay focused. Tell yourself you are worth it.

Be safe and have a fabulous long weekend Canada!  Happy Canada Day!

Be true… Be focused… Be more present than you were the day before.

Be patient with yourself today…

Thoughts have power, they shape us throughout our lives. Without them, we wouldn’t be the complex individuals that we are.

Thousands of thoughts pass through us each day, some holding more weight than others. And the more a person invests in a thought, the more it sticks and becomes part of us.

However, holding onto a particular thought for too long, especially if its origin carries negative sentiment, can be distracting and even damaging.

This is why it’s important to learn how to detect a negative, potentially lasting thought, and deal with it before it spreads its roots.

It is widely known that negative thoughts can, and usually do rob us of an otherwise productive, healthy mindset. This is a slippery slope that has the potential to ruin days, sometimes weeks.

We are born into this world as positive beings, so this negative learning pattern is a learned trait that we pick up over the course of our lives. Sometimes it spawns suddenly, from a tragic event. And sometimes it slowly spreads as a result of a difficult upbringing and/or circumstances.

Despite this, we have an opportunity to change this ‘faulty thinking’, with the right tuning.

1. It starts with you. Know that you can change. And tell yourself that you will change. Opening the door to this idea is like giving yourself permission to alter your mind, sight and can be very empowering.

2. Let go of control. You can’t control other people, and you won’t always have an influence on circumstances and/or situations that arise.

3. Learn to control yourself. We have the ability to harness and shape what’s going on inside us. A reaction can be much more powerful than the situation ever was. So be mindful of that when you’re weighing up a response.

4. Time. Most things take time to change. Sometimes this gets lost is the fast paced world we live in. But give yourself some time, and be patient with yourself along the way.

Be patient with yourself… Be yourself… Be more present than you were the day before.

Harmony and Balance do not occur in the absence of hardship. True peace is attainable when you learn to calm your thoughts in the midst of adversity. Unfortunately, it is one of the hardest lessons to master, and yet, one of the most important lessons to learn.

In a perfect world, we would have been taught this most important of abilities as children. However, all too often we have to learn this ability on the winding road of adult development.

We all are faced with conflict throughout the course of the human experience, and that is a fact of life. Sometimes it is with another, or with yourself, and sometimes it is illness.

But whatever the conflict, we can use the same methods to ward off fear, anxiety, anger and overall world wariness we all feel at times.

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha

Early riser – Many of the great artists, designers and thinkers of the world wake up before most. After a night of sleep, most people’s brains are at their most creative and peaceful. Use this time to pick up a pen and paper and write down your thoughts. Let the words flow organically. If stuck, look outside, spend time in your garden, or take an early morning walk, (preferably in a place where there are trees).

Fill your brain with peaceful thoughts before you let anything else in – Many people enjoy reading the teachings of Buddha to remind themselves of the importance of maintaining a peaceful state of mind. Or perhaps flip through the pages of your favorite author, or a magazine that inspires. (I enjoy design magazines and their creative verve).

Seek others – What are others doing that may work for you? Like recipes, it never hurts to try something new!

Share – Based on your level of comfort, share your thoughts with those whom you trust. Sometimes we write what we cannot say. This is a powerful tool not to be discounted.

Silence and noise – Most people need both in their lives. Silence can bring inner peace and calm just by blocking out your surrounds and listening to the breaths travel in and out of your body. Even a minute of this a day has the ability to give your body and mind a break, and keep you in rhythm. Noise on the other hand can be anything from listening to your favorite music, or hosting a social gathering. Noise is another way to find body and mind rhythm on a different level, so long that you are listening to music you enjoy, and surrounded by people who love you.

“Nothing is permanent. Everything is subject to change. Being is always becoming.” ~Buddha

It is important to note – methods that worked one day, may not work the day after. We live in an ever-changing world, and therefore must be patient and flexible in our journey to find calm.

Always remember to go easy on yourself, because you deserve all the benefits of balance and harmony.

Be you.  Find balance.  Be more present than you were the day before.

Science says we process up to 60,000 thoughts per day.  Depending on the person, a certain percentage of these thoughts are naturally going to be defeating, or negative in nature. The following are ways we can actively avoid and move past potentially destructive thoughts throughout the day.

1) Learn to dispute your negative thoughts.  Challenge your ego (who is creating these destructive thought patterns).  Recognize when they come and imagine what a good friend or family member would say to you to break you away from the thought. 

2) When being mindful of our patterns and thoughts, we actually have it in us to choose to be more positive. Saying “this shall pass” and repeating it daily, often yields positive change. If it is difficult to have a catch phrase, try meditation to quiet down the mind. 

3) Are all negative thoughts bad? These kinds of thoughts are natural, and it is ok to have them from time to time. Psychologists say that trying to be constantly upbeat can actually make someone less happy. Feeling the ups and downs is simply part of the human experience. Try to go with the flow of life instead of against the grain. It will make it easier on the psyche. Because trying to control life and its outcomes can leads to defeatism. 

4) If negative thoughts are overwhelming you, try diverting your attention to ways you can help others. I could be as simple as helping someone with their groceries, or paying it forward at the drive through coffee shop. It will boost your self-esteem and shift your thinking away from being stuck in your mental process. 

5) Can any good come out of a bad experience? 

Absolutely! There is always a lesson to every experience.  People who engage in “benefit finding” have fewer disruptive thoughts, less negativity and more meaning in their lives.

 6) Try not to overthink.  This one is big!  Although negative thoughts are natural, going over and over it in your mind can increase anxiety, sadness and helplessness. Begin a ‘let it go’ practice. Every time this repetitive thinking comes on, remind yourself that if the worry isn’t serving you, LET IT GO.

You have to start somewhere. And make sure you have realistic expectations.  These thoughts, patterns and stressors have been there most likely for years. So take this guide step by step to slowly take control and create the life you deserve. 

Be gentle with yourself… Be love… Be more present than you were the day before.

They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. Of course there has always been a debate on this subject between the opposite sides of the argument.

But let’s take one side for a moment. Let’s say for the purpose of this experiment, that following the 21 day formula works.

Now, with any new fitness, diet or self-help program, there exists obstacles. But I’ve always believed that I obstacles exist to be overcome. A baby turtle that survives birth from its shell without being eaten, still needs to traverse a stretch of beach, usually monitored closely by predators. If the little guy survives, it needs to push its way into the ocean, eat, grow and adopt its skills without becoming fish food. We may not have to worry about being eaten, but the point is that if our little turtle overcomes all the obstacles thrown its way, it will grow into a grand specimen of the seas. Why can’t we (with a bit of guidance), take a challenge to better ourselves?

From my understanding, three basic laws of acceptance must be overcome in order for the roots of habit to begin to grow.

1 – The honeymoon phase. This is simple enough. “I have a new plan!” Great! How long this excitement and energy lasts depends on the person, but sooner or later like a new car smell, the excitement will fade.

2 – The peak “I’ve lasted 15 days! Hurray!” The peak is the turning point. You can’t get much higher than the peak. All that’s left is maintaining your success.

3 – Maintenance and eventual second nature. This part is tricky.  Staying with the program and maintaining that ‘peak’ until it’s become a natural organic part of your daily routine can be difficult. The key is to tell yourself that the prize is much more rewarding if you stick with it.

The following is your 21 days of gratitude. Start off each morning by bringing awareness to your life and the gratitude surrounding it. The following are some of my favorites however these are interchangeable.  Take the time to have each speak to you.

Day 1 – What sound am I grateful for today?

Day 2 – What colour am I grateful for?

Day 3 – What smell am I grateful for?

Day 4 – What texture am I grateful for?

Day 5 – What season am I grateful for?

Day 6 – What in nature am I grateful for?

Day 7 – What emotion am I grateful for?

Day 8 – Who in my life am I grateful for?

Day 9 – What song am I grateful for?

Day 10 – What about my body am I grateful for?

Day 11 – What abilities am I grateful for?

Day 12 – What about my surroundings am I grateful for?

Day 13 – What relationship am I grateful for?

Day 14 – What material possession am I grateful for?

Day 15 – What moment this week am I grateful for?

Day 16 – What about today am I grateful for?

Day 17 – What tradition am I most grateful for?

Day 18 – What hobby am I most grateful for?

Day 19 – What about me am I most grateful for?

Day 20 – What about life am I most grateful for?

Day 21 – What challenge am I grateful for?

Gratitude strengthens our emotional state making us more optimistic, healthier, happier and more productive as individuals.  It is a great way to self-reflect, self-discover and most of all is develops our personality.

Be kind, share love and be more grateful than you were the day before.